i everything

but mostly because I know I can.

I cry at any moment of sincerity, looking at another cute baby, or even burning my toast. I have found myself just on the edge of tears for no damn reason at all.  Anyone else in this boat? I think I must still be out of my mind.

I  have been feeling a bit disconnected to my heart, which has me confused, because all these wonderful moms in IG seem like they have it together.  People talk about the wonderful time they go through at the beginning stages of having a little, but I am over here feeling selfish. Being a new mom is not “hard”; it is purely just different.  I get plenty of sleep and I enjoy her, but my issue is that I am missing the happiness card. Do I blame my hormones for what looks like pure selfishness and wait for it to pass? I want to enjoy this experience, but instead, I find my head in an Apple wondering when I am going to feel better.

That’s the truth.

I find it much easier to balance my attitude when I have someone around helping. As women we feel like we can do it all.  We pride ourselves on the fact that we play “life Jenga” extraordinarily well. But that is bullshit. We need others.

I do not think I could have made it this far without my support system.. The love I have in a partner who wants to carry my struggles. The relationship with a God who knows my future and sees glory in it. Even though I hide my insecurities well, I know I have to let them surface before I can disarm them.

I had a call with some pretty phenomenal women yesterday that left me feeling very empowered.  Being myself is exactly what will help my relationships, business and creative grow.  I have known this, but it’s much harder to do than say. Moving forward I plan to get on a more scheduled lifestyle. In the end, when I am my best me, I’m the best mother for Isabel; and we both deserve that.

So with a newly sparked inspiration, I hope that this transparency will allow a new leaf to turn and streams of thoughts to take action.

Welcome to my life.

tuesday bacichComment